17 March 2019

Fret not, spm leavers !

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I begin this post with a huge congratulations to those SPM leavers who got an excellent results in your SPM. And also a huge congratulations to those SPM leavers who might be thinking that your result are not that good as others and thinking that you could have done better. The fact that you are trying with your maximal effort, that's matter.

Recently, I've got a number of Whatsapp from the juniors, worrying about getting into the right university, worrying about scholarship, worrying about what course they will be taking during degree, worrying about what they will become when they graduated from university, worrying about the future. And here comes the idea of writing this post.

Hey SPM leavers, fret not.

Let me tell you a story about myself, about how i ended up taking what i am currently taking right now.

If you were to know me, you could have knew that I am that person who don't have any ambition to begin with. I am just a super determined person who wish to achieve something in life, though I don't even know what is it that I want to achieve. Sometimes I feel like that determination was not even useful for me, but now I realized, it's that determination that brings me here to the place I am right now. I am not saying I am a successful person right now, I am way too far from it but I am currently at a place where my heart is feeling an inner peace, and I am at the place where I am feeling content of what I have today.

When I was eighteen years old, it was the first time I discovered what I really wanted to do with my life. How is it that I know? If it was the thing that make your heart beats faster than usual, it does mean that your heart do have passion for that thing. It was when I first entered a hospital (I've never been to any hospital before haha) I feel super fascinated, my heart skips a beat, I totally felt that I really belong to that place, it was at that time I decided that I want to be a doctor, adding to the fact that I do really love helping people.

I got a good result for  my SPM, alhamdulillah. I continued my study in PASUM (Pusat Asasi Sains University Malaya). Here, it was a complete mess. It was the time where my life turned roller coaster, and it really deviates from what I've planned my life to be. I got a good result during my asasi time, alhamdulillah. And I really wanted to be here in UM, cause I just love everything about UM haha. And the real mess started where students who wanted to pursue medic in UM is required to take an exam called BMAT and passed an interview. I don't know what am I doing, I suddenly felt that I'm not a good enough person to be a doctor. I am becoming so anxious about my future, I kept thinking that I cant do this and I ended up not taking that exam and the even worst part is I made a decision to forget about my dream to be a doctor, just for a reason: I really want to be here in UM.

I changed my ambition, I chose to be a pharmacist because i love anything related to the healthcare. Everything was going smooth, I applied pharmacy UM as my first choice in UPU. And at this point, Allah is testing me. It was so sudden and I could not comprehend what is it happening in my life at that time. It was when UM announced to not offer that course for my batch. I was super heartbroken, I even cried for days because I really thought that there is not future for me (it may sound exaggerating, but this is true)


If there a thing that I would like you to take from my story, here it goes.

1. Take one thing at time
This is what I did when I got my SPM result; I keep worrying. I worry about what will I become in my 30s when I was just an 18. I mean look, if you keep pushing yourself towards the future will there be any change? No. The earth will still revolve around the sun in the same duration, the time will never get fast forward if we keep thinking about the future. What is it that we are rushing for?

Rushing over things will even make the things worse. You will forget to appreciate the moment you are currently in, and trust me you will not be happy as you keep being anxious about what will come in your next 10 years. I am not saying that we should not have a dream or a goal here, I am saying to take thing slowly. Do it at your own pace. Never compare your life journey with other people, life is not even a competition.

If you are SPM leavers right now, forget about thinking what you where you will work or thinking about salary and all sorts of things. Just think about the next phase you will be facing, which is your pre-university life. Take your time to think about what is it you really want to do. Take one thing at a time, okay? You will be more happier and anxious-free. Trust me.   

2. Go for what you want. Be brave!
Honestly, I really regretted throwing away my dream of becoming a doctor. I regretted myself for not being brave enough to go for things I love. And if there's a thing I can tell to my past self, I wish to tell that I am beautiful and I am a great person. You don't have to become other people's definition of great, just be your own version of great. The things that matter the most is you, not other people. People tend to leave at some time, even your own shadow will also leave you in darkness, but you yourself wont leave yourself.

If you are currently passionate on doing something, go for it. Again, don't compare your life with other people. Everyone have their own worth, and that includes you too. 


If you are wondering what is it that I am taking right now, I am currently taking Biomedical Science here in University Malaya. I am still pursuing in healthcare in the place that I really wanted to be. For that, I really thanked Allah for still giving me a chance to do the thing I am passionate on. And yeah, the really first thing that I want you to take from this post, is we planned, but Allah is the best planner. It might sounds cliche, but its true. No matter how beautifully you have mapped your future, if Allah doesn't want it to be happen, it won't happen. And here's the lesson that I think Allah wanted to teach me throughout my life journey; is to put Allah first in every decision you are making. When I was in dilemma of making decision, I don't even go to Allah. I was too ego to do istikharah because I think I am the only one who know what's best for me when I'm not. And I am really thankful that Allah put a realization in my heart although it may seems to be late. To me there was never exist a word of 'too late' in going back to Allah as He always accept you anytime, as long as you are sincere in going back to Him.

And even now, I keep hearing people saying that I don't have the future due to the course I am taking, and this course is not even promising, deep in my heart I feel somewhat calm because I know there's a reason why Allah puts me here, and I know something beautiful awaits for me. Ignore all those sounds who are trying to knock you down, believe in Allah cause He created you and He knows best for what he created.

I end this post with one of my favourite ayah in Al-Quran that really keeps me going:

"That man can have nothing except what he strives for" (53:39)
"And the fruit for his striving will soon come in sight" (53:40)

So dear SPM leavers, fret not.
Its going to be tough, but it will be okay.

Adios. :)