Fret not, spm leavers !

I begin this post with a huge congratulations to those SPM leavers who got an excellent results in your SPM. And also a huge congratulations to those SPM leavers who might be thinking that your result are not that good as others and thinking that you could have done better. The fact that you are trying with your maximal effort, that's matter.

Recently, I've got a number of Whatsapp from the juniors, worrying about getting into the right university, worrying about scholarship, worrying about what course they will be taking during degree, worrying about what they will become when they graduated from university, worrying about the future. And here comes the idea of writing this post.

Hey SPM leavers, fret not.

Let me tell you a story about myself, about how i ended up taking what i am currently taking right now.

If you were to know me, you could have knew that I am that person who don't have any ambition to begin with. I am just a super determined person who wish to achieve something in life, though I don't even know what is it that I want to achieve. Sometimes I feel like that determination was not even useful for me, but now I realized, it's that determination that brings me here to the place I am right now. I am not saying I am a successful person right now, I am way too far from it but I am currently at a place where my heart is feeling an inner peace, and I am at the place where I am feeling content of what I have today.

When I was eighteen years old, it was the first time I discovered what I really wanted to do with my life. How is it that I know? If it was the thing that make your heart beats faster than usual, it does mean that your heart do have passion for that thing. It was when I first entered a hospital (I've never been to any hospital before haha) I feel super fascinated, my heart skips a beat, I totally felt that I really belong to that place, it was at that time I decided that I want to be a doctor, adding to the fact that I do really love helping people.

I got a good result for  my SPM, alhamdulillah. I continued my study in PASUM (Pusat Asasi Sains University Malaya). Here, it was a complete mess. It was the time where my life turned roller coaster, and it really deviates from what I've planned my life to be. I got a good result during my asasi time, alhamdulillah. And I really wanted to be here in UM, cause I just love everything about UM haha. And the real mess started where students who wanted to pursue medic in UM is required to take an exam called BMAT and passed an interview. I don't know what am I doing, I suddenly felt that I'm not a good enough person to be a doctor. I am becoming so anxious about my future, I kept thinking that I cant do this and I ended up not taking that exam and the even worst part is I made a decision to forget about my dream to be a doctor, just for a reason: I really want to be here in UM.

I changed my ambition, I chose to be a pharmacist because i love anything related to the healthcare. Everything was going smooth, I applied pharmacy UM as my first choice in UPU. And at this point, Allah is testing me. It was so sudden and I could not comprehend what is it happening in my life at that time. It was when UM announced to not offer that course for my batch. I was super heartbroken, I even cried for days because I really thought that there is not future for me (it may sound exaggerating, but this is true)

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If there a thing that I would like you to take from my story, here it goes.

1. Take one thing at time

This is what I did when I got my SPM result; I keep worrying. I worry about what will I become in my 30s when I was just an 18. I mean look, if you keep pushing yourself towards the future will there be any change? No. The earth will still revolve around the sun in the same duration, the time will never get fast forward if we keep thinking about the future. What is it that we are rushing for?

Rushing over things will even make the things worse. You will forget to appreciate the moment you are currently in, and trust me you will not be happy as you keep being anxious about what will come in your next 10 years. I am not saying that we should not have a dream or a goal here, I am saying to take thing slowly. Do it at your own pace. Never compare your life journey with other people, life is not even a competition.

If you are SPM leavers right now, forget about thinking what you where you will work or thinking about salary and all sorts of things. Just think about the next phase you will be facing, which is your pre-university life. Take your time to think about what is it you really want to do. Take one thing at a time, okay? You will be more happier and anxious-free. Trust me.   

2. Go for what you want. Be brave!

Honestly, I really regretted throwing away my dream of becoming a doctor. I regretted myself for not being brave enough to go for things I love. And if there's a thing I can tell to my past self, I wish to tell that I am beautiful and I am a great person. You don't have to become other people's definition of great, just be your own version of great. The things that matter the most is you, not other people. People tend to leave at some time, even your own shadow will also leave you in darkness, but you yourself wont leave yourself.

If you are currently passionate on doing something, go for it. Again, don't compare your life with other people. Everyone have their own worth, and that includes you too. 

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If you are wondering what is it that I am taking right now, I am currently taking Biomedical Science here in University Malaya. I am still pursuing in healthcare in the place that I really wanted to be. For that, I really thanked Allah for still giving me a chance to do the thing I am passionate on. And yeah, the really first thing that I want you to take from this post, is we planned, but Allah is the best planner. It might sounds cliche, but its true. No matter how beautifully you have mapped your future, if Allah doesn't want it to be happen, it won't happen. And here's the lesson that I think Allah wanted to teach me throughout my life journey; is to put Allah first in every decision you are making. When I was in dilemma of making decision, I don't even go to Allah. I was too ego to do istikharah because I think I am the only one who know what's best for me when I'm not. And I am really thankful that Allah put a realization in my heart although it may seems to be late. To me there was never exist a word of 'too late' in going back to Allah as He always accept you anytime, as long as you are sincere in going back to Him.

And even now, I keep hearing people saying that I don't have the future due to the course I am taking, and this course is not even promising, deep in my heart I feel somewhat calm because I know there's a reason why Allah puts me here, and I know something beautiful awaits for me. Ignore all those sounds who are trying to knock you down, believe in Allah cause He created you and He knows best for what he created.

I end this post with one of my favourite ayah in Al-Quran that really keeps me going:

"That man can have nothing except what he strives for" (53:39)
"And the fruit for his striving will soon come in sight" (53:40)

So dear SPM leavers, fret not.

Its going to be tough, but it will be okay.

Adios. :)

Patah

Its going to be a really short post here. Everything is going hectic, I have just recovered from a fever (I have a story about this but maybe I'll tell later), but basically I just couldn't adapt how busier my life is getting day by day, but I will try (read:must) figure out some ways to adapt soon.

Just wanna share a quote that I think I found quite a few number of times recently. 

The quote sound like this 

"Demi menyelamatkanmu dari orang yang salah, Tuhan mematahkan hatimu."

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This is sooo relatable.
I mean, that quote doesn't only apply to human i.e your crush or boyfriend-girlfriend kind of things, but I think it applies to other things as well.

When sometimes you didn't get something you want in your life, and you feel heartbroken, or sad, or in despair, trust me Allah is saving you (maybe the things is even not good in the first place). But trust me, its for the better.

I'm saying this to myself too, as I know I will be going through a lot of heartbreaks in life later on.




Adios.
footnote: Thank you for those who had been visiting this humble blog. I truly appreciate :))

On microscope and small little things

I suppose to write a new entry every Saturday, but I will be going to Pahang for a volunteer work starting this evening until Sunday so I won't be online until then. And here I am, writing a new post today because I don't want to break that consistency of mine; writing blog once a week and i know myself better, if i am to skip writing for a week, that feeling of laziness will grow bigger and bigger. So let us fight that laziness and don't let it stop us from doing things that we are passionate on.

I am currently studying Biomedical Science where we deal with microscope a lot, like every week we will have to meet and greet with the microscope ohh and also not to forget with the bacteria! I remember one of the lecturer here told us on the very first week of semester 1, "microscope will become your new best friend" hahaha i was laughing at this, but yeah I think now slowly I get the meaning.

Handling microscope is not that easy. At first. Honestly, I've never handle microscope with my both own hands during my secondary school and back during foundation, I was never brave enough to touch that microscope, I always ask my friend to do the hands-on while I was just watching from beside hahaha super coward past me, right? But now, every students are provided with a microscope each. WHATTTT? I was suuuper scared at first (not scared, but ashamed of myself actually) because I dont really know how to deal with that thing but luckily, we have a super nice lab technician Kak Wani, who help us teaching how to handle the microscope from the really basic one. Now I am a real pro, thanks to Kak Wani hahaha no just kidding, I am still not in the phase of talking about crush to the microscope. (it means I am not that close enough friend with the microscope)

Handling the microscope is one thing, but here comes the real big deal; drawing the bacteria! It was super hard, I can't even see how the bacteria exactly looks like, and yet I have to draw them hmmmm.

Super awkward drawing, i know right.

Here's a lesson learnt from all these bacteria and microscope. Bacteria is a really small little organisms that we cannot even see with our naked eyes, but do you know they are actually big. They are composed of cells, just like how human beings are though their cells are much more simpler than us. But there is actually a huge working system inside that small little organism. Isn't it amazing? I found it really fascinating. And to be able to see the small bacteria, we have to use a microscope. (Big appreciation goes to Antonie van Leuwenhook for being the founder of microscope) Its not that easy we need a good microscopy skill i.e we need to find a good resolution to view the bacteria clearly, but once we are able to see it, its realllllly beautiful.

Here is one picture I took from the microscope in the previous semester.

I hope the same things goes in our life. I hope we have a microscopic eye so that we are able to see in a big and clear vision on what is behind the very small little things happening in our life.

Behind every little smile.

Behind every little 'Thank you' people said to us

Behind every small little act of kindness in this world.

Because it is not even small. Its a really big and beautiful things if we can see it from a different viewpoint.

I end this post with a hope that we can always appreciate and not neglect all the very small little things that happened in our life. Cause they are actually really beautiful, trust me.